I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
