Someone shit on the floor
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
