I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
