Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
