it's like iHOP with fire
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
