it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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