Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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