i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
