I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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