I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
