He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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