do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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