I cannot find my penis.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
