I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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