Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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