you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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