do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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