The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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