I cockslap morals
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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