So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Less talking, more tequila
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
