I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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