Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
As shirtless as possible
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
