I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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