You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
