thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My pussy is not your playground.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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