I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Fuck appropriateness.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
