just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
