How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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