Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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