Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
