when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
