dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
