got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
