I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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