this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
