Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
