come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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