first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
