Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
