grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
