My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize