Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
