it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
how does that bad decision feel?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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