He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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