i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
