so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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