I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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