he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
