You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
