also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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