Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize