is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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