I hate all girls vehemently.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
