life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he was CRYING into my vagina
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
