hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
wow bdsm is so cute
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize