He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
