That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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