I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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