tell your sister to shave her snatch
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
