i was born a porn star she said
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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