Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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