Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Such a big mess for such a small penis
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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