Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
