There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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