do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
