walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
