it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
