I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
