FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
