Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
do nipples grow back?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
