God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
