your room smells of hookers.
And success
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
