i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize