I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
