Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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