I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
