my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My vagina is officially offended.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
