Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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