false alarm. still invincible.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
