Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
